Wednesday, September 21, 2005

(Not) the Boy from New York City....

He is not from New York.
He is not from New York.
He is not from New York.

I need to keep repeating this to myself, as dating someone without the head games and mind trips is totally foreign to me.

My first boyfriend (Boston Boy) and I were dating before I moved here-and before he moved here. So all of my "single" experiences, post-Boston Boy, have been here, in NYC. And ladies, you know what it is to be single here.

The boys here are different. Native New Yorkers are the worst (The Hated Ex, The Poet, MacB), but any boy who's lived here for any length of time realizes that they're in control. That you can't cross the street without falling over a passionate, intelligent, beautiful woman. And most of them are single, and looking for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now. So there are no consequences to their actions. Mess things up with one girl? There's another one waiting just around the corner. No need to commit, or be honest, here. They have the power. And they know it. And they know we know it. So, basically, we're screwed.

This is why there are tons of single, beautiful, intelligent women in their 30s, here. This is why Sex and the City was such a hit. This is why He's Just Not That Into You was a runaway bestseller. And this is why British Scientist's actions completely baffle me.

No, he did not try and "chuck" me last night. In fact, he said he was "quite keen" on me.

Why did he cancel on the wedding? He had a work thing. The work thing was postponed to Sunday, because of the rain.

Why did he cancel on Sunday? He was hoping he'd get home in time, and thought he'd be okay. He didn't realize how late it was. He's sorry he didn't contact me earlier.

Why did he say he's tied up all weekend, forcing me to see him last night? He's busy on Saturday night, but wanted to see me both last night and Friday night.

Basically his actions are completely straightforward. No game playing. No ulterior motives. No typical NYC bullshit.

We had a lovely 3rd date. Drinks, dinner, kissing in the park. He wore his glasses, which make him look a bit nerdy (in a totally cute way). We talked about taking a weekend trip to see the foliage when my show is over. He said he missed me--and we both agreed that 10 days is too long to be apart.

One bit of bad news: His previous engagement on Saturday night? With his Ex. Who he says is married. They were together 5 years...

So, I have to cancel my date with Pizza Boy on Friday night. Should I cancel the other date I have scheduled for Saturday night? Probably not, otherwise I'll be going crazy on Saturday night, wondering if he's going to be sleeping with the married Ex (this is how The Poet and I broke up, so I'm a bit sensitive).

Oh, and Footlong called (it's been over a week!) when I was on my date last night. Seems that he wants to get together too! The rotation is overflowing--there's no more room. Though if things continue as they are with the Brit, there will be no need for a rotation anymore...

22 Comments:

At 9/21/2005 2:40 PM, Blogger Anonymous City Girl said...

NOOOOOOO!!!!!
DON'T AX PIZZA BOY!!!!!
Just reschedule him :-)

 
At 9/21/2005 2:45 PM, Blogger -- said...

But he only has 2 points on the 6 point scale!!

 
At 9/21/2005 2:59 PM, Blogger Anonymous City Girl said...

Oh points schmoints... if your busy keeping score, you miss the big game -- LIFE.

And you've got to give a person a little time to show their true colors (or colours as in the case with BritBoy) both good and bad.

There is no rule that says you have to go steady just cause he came up with the idea (actually there probably is a "rule" in that book written by those two twits), but come on... he brought you a pizza at work... that's just smooth!

 
At 9/21/2005 5:12 PM, Blogger Le Synge Bleu said...

i say wait and see...i've learned that 3 dates are still not enough to adequately judge someone's character...even 3 dates and sweet explanations are not enough. play it cool and take your time. you don't know if the brit's worth it or not, even though he seems quite golden in this moment.

 
At 9/21/2005 6:56 PM, Blogger Damn It Anyway said...

Keen??? Well that does sound more good than bad.
Congrats....hey how's the sex??

 
At 9/21/2005 10:15 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tons of beautiful intelligent passionate women in NY huh! Whoa, let's rethink of my move to NY... And I thought there's plenty more great men there to go around than what you just painted!

 
At 9/22/2005 12:21 AM, Blogger -- said...

No sex yet, it's too soon!

 
At 9/22/2005 3:21 AM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...

From what you're saying this guy has been honest and straightforward with you on his motives and his interests. However, you're really not doing the same by seeing other men and not telling him about it. If you don’t want to be exclusive you need to tell him so he won’t be hurt later on in you’re two’s relationship.

 
At 9/22/2005 8:39 AM, Blogger Andrew said...

Glad to see the date went OK.

Just to let you know, my 5 yr old daughter saw your picture whilst I was reading your update and asked "Who is that cool girl?"

You have another British fan!

 
At 9/22/2005 9:59 AM, Blogger -- said...

Hi threecharlie,

I agree, but honestly I've been on exactly 1 date since we had the exclusive talk, and I told him about the date, so I've been on the up-and-up, pretty much. The fact that Pizza boy brought me a pizza (unasked!)--well I don't think that qualifies as a date.

I just have a lot of irons in the fire, I guess...

Let's see how things go with him tomorrow. I'm still way paranoid to see if he's going to call or not. And dating other guys calms me down, believe it or not...

 
At 9/22/2005 10:00 AM, Blogger -- said...

Thanks, Andrew!

 
At 9/22/2005 12:16 PM, Blogger Ryan said...

As one of your NYC men I have to say it has always been hard for me to be sympathetic to the plight of your demographic but what you said here: "The boys here are different. Native New Yorkers are the worst (The Hated Ex, The Poet, MacB), but any boy who's lived here for any length of time realizes that they're in control. That you can't cross the street without falling over a passionate, intelligent, beautiful woman. And most of them are single, and looking for Mr. Right, or at least Mr. Right Now. So there are no consequences to their actions. Mess things up with one girl? There's another one waiting just around the corner. No need to commit, or be honest, here. They have the power. And they know it. And they know we know it. So, basically, we're screwed.

This is why there are tons of single, beautiful, intelligent women in their 30s, here. This is why Sex and the City was such a hit. This is why He's Just Not That Into You was a runaway bestseller."

-was as lyrical and observant as anything on Sex and The City.

And so... I come away from your words... a little bit better of a man.
I truly do have more sympathy.

My advice has been consistent
1. be honest
2. don't cut off any options
3. never be shocked
4. even the best relationships have their ups and downs, as a man, the girl I care about, whatever we have gone through, on a date, in a conversation, in any situation, I care enough about her- to end, with her feeling good, I always leave her with (at the least) an attempt to show that I love her and that I appreciate her in my life.

When you get that feeling, again and again, at the end of date after date after date- you walk away thinking, okay this this and this went wrong but you know what... I left smiling, because I was with him. I like him, sometimes despite him.

THAT's your guy.

 
At 9/22/2005 8:13 PM, Blogger Damn It Anyway said...

Wait...too soon for sex?? Didn't you go down on Tennis Boy on the first date??

 
At 9/22/2005 9:15 PM, Blogger Anonymous City Girl said...

duh damn it... haven't you caught on yet... the more we like a guy, the longer we make him wait *w*.

 
At 9/23/2005 3:13 AM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...

Kristin,
I dated a girl here in Italy and I had a very similar situation with her that you do with the Brit man. On our second date after we had sex she told me that she wanted to be exclusive right then and there. I was a little taken back by her directness, but I also understood that I'm a guest in this country and I must make compromises. After a week of seeing each other I sat her down and explained the American concept of dating to her. That we usually see multiple people at any given time to see what our options are, and when we find someone that we feel the most compatibility with then we settle down with that person. Instead of immediately jumping into a serious commitment. She was upset with me at first, but later she understood our concept of dating. Needless to say it sounds like this guy does not have much experience with the American dating culture. If you explain to him your feelings and are empathetic to his confusion and let him know that you are happy to guide him through your two's dating experience, I think he'll be most appreciative. And possibly this may make things work better for the two of you.

 
At 9/23/2005 11:06 AM, Blogger Briggsy said...

I'm so glad I don't date in NYC, it sounds unbelievably tense & rules-driven. If it helps to get a handle on British boys, this British girl agrees with one of your previous posters who said how expensive it is to call mobile to mobile over here. I stay in touch with all my friends, including my boyfriend by texting, calls are very rare. Don't stress so much :)

 
At 9/23/2005 12:58 PM, Blogger -- said...

threecharlie,

His last GF was American. And they were together for 5 years (this is the Ex he is seeing tomorrow night). So I don't think I can use that as an excuse...

 
At 9/23/2005 7:02 PM, Blogger Damn It Anyway said...

Ok back up....so you dont like the guy...give him a bj...you do like the guy...nothing. Am I the only one that see's this as a bit backwards?

 
At 9/25/2005 9:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

reality check he has shagged her get over it.

From two people who live in the real world and not the Disney land version.

 
At 9/25/2005 4:37 PM, Blogger -- said...

damn it anyway,

He hasn't even tried to do anything other than kiss me. What am I supposed to do, invite myself over to his apartment? Or maybe I should just take his pants off in whatever bar we're at and suck him off.

If a guy doesn't even TRY to get laid, how can he fault me for not sleeping with him?? Tennis Boy spent a lot of time convincing me to go back to his apartment. That's also a contributing factor to his getting a blow job.

 
At 9/26/2005 9:57 PM, Blogger FUNKYBROWNCHICK said...

Oh, the woes of dating in New York!

I just moved here earlier this year and the dating scene is literally killing me. Dating in this city is like no place that I've ever lived before ...

Stolie
http://funkybrownchick.blogspot.com

 
At 10/02/2005 2:21 PM, Blogger Kim said...

did brit boy really just disappear? he's a total wierdo. my guess is that he'll text u in like 3 weeks going, what's up? and totally still think u guys are "exclusive"

 

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