Friday, July 29, 2005

Grow Some Testicles

It had been nearly three years since they had been dating. And all of a sudden it was over. Poof. Just like that. Our young heroine didn’t know what to do. She cried, of course, not nearly as much as she did over the Poet, but it was still upsetting. She had been dumped, by a guy she had tried to dump six months earlier when she caught him on But unlike him, she wasn’t willing to beg or plead to continue the relationship. Deep down she knew he wasn’t the right guy for her, no point in continuing the inevitable. She just wished he had been a little more forthright in his feelings—he admitted he had been thinking about this for weeks, yet continued the relationship, up to and including his birthday, which she had spent nearly $500 on, despite not having any source of income at the time.

So she decided to move on. Or try at least. The word was sent out to all her friends. “I’m single! Who do you know?” The requirements were simple:
1) Age appropriate
2) As smart or smarter than her
3) Passionate about something (Jersey Shore Boy’s lack of passion caused much friction—he couldn’t understand her creative endeavors)
Bonus points for height (our young heroine is tall) and/or a good job. Dorky-cute also a plus.

Unexpectedly, Kim’s boyfriend Luis took it upon himself to help. (This was a strange development, as he was the frat brother of Jersey Shore Boy) Scouting at bars, thinking of guys he knew, he was taking an active role. Suddenly an email arrived. Attached was a picture of a dorky guy (possibly cute, but it was hard to tell) taken on a camera phone. A co-worker of Luis. Plans were made to go for drinks on Friday after work.

Suddenly, the day before, it was cancelled. The Co-Worker had backed out—he was meeting his brother for dinner. No problem. Luis was instructed to play it cool, to just invite him for drinks the next time they were going out. The next Friday, the same arrangement was made. Everyone was going out for drinks, would the Co-Worker care to join? Again: a yes, and then a no. He was meeting his brother for a movie.

Luis couldn’t take it. What was wrong with this guy? He had seen pictures of our young heroine, agreed that she was attractive, expressed interest in dating someone. The Co-Worker tried to explain. “I’m bad at this blind date thing,” he argued. Luis’s response? “Grow Some Testicles.”

Over drinks that night, Luis regaled the girls with this story. They laughed. This wasn’t the first time any of them had experienced boy problems due to a lack of courage. Our young heroine knew that her breakup with the Poet was partly due to this failing, and certainly this most recent breakup would have gone better had Jersey Shore Boy been brave enough to express his concerns earlier. Sarah and Cynthia had similar stories, both centering on the classic line “I never loved you.” And Kim, although in a happy relationship now, had certainly had her share of testicle-free men. They all had funny stories. “Let’s Start a Group Blog!” Sarah cried. The girls gasped. An anonymous place for them to complain about the men in their lives? It was too perfect. Grow Some Testicles was born.


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