Monday, September 19, 2005

No More Drama . . . Please

We had yet another drama with the evil ex-girlfriend. When will I ever be free of this garbage?

Check out these links if you’re not up on the saga.

The Past
The Ex-Files
Last Night for Cynthia
What I would say to the Ex

I pick up where this crap last left off.

It has been a few weeks since my boyfriend last spoke with her. From this point forward I will now refer to her as Psycho Artist. The exchange of good happened with Psycho Artist’s brother. That went well and I was filled with hope that everyone was going to be able to get along. Well, I guess I was wrong. She started with the crazy emails again.

So, a couple of weeks ago, my boyfriend sent her another message in response to some garbage she wrote. He was very diplomatic. He acknowledged that trying to be friends with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend can be difficult, but that he was really trying. He validated her by saying that she would always be important to him and refuted some of the mean and inaccurate things that she said in her message.

That is our three point plan for dealing with her . . . Acknowledge, Validate, Refute.

It is beyond sad that we’ve had to make an argumentation plan for dealing with her garbage.

Last night, she finally responded. Her message was a piece of work. She was calling my boyfriend “Sweetie” and forgiving him for fumbling through this transition process. Then she went on to say that she wanted this year to herself because it is such a “pivotal year” for her. She is getting her MFA, so she means this school year. After the year is up, she indicated that they could try to be friends again. Psycho Artist is such a charitable woman.

Now comes my favorite part. In her second paragraph, Psycho Artist says that if at some time they do try and work on their friendship, she doesn’t want to hear about me. She “doesn’t admire” my behavior. Additionally, she doesn’t think she could ever respect me. Psycho Artist also doesn’t understand why I “have to be involved in their relationship.” She doesn’t ever want to meet me or know anything about me.

That is really mean to say. I mean, I always treat people respectfully, even people I don’t like. I also make it a point to try and refrain from judging people until I sort-of know them. That is the good person thing to do. I do talk a lot of shit about people I know and dislike, but I wouldn’t talk badly about someone to their partner and I’m more than willing to admit it when I have judged someone unfairly. I’m not perfect, but it really bothers me that she doesn’t feel like she can respect me. Everyone deserves respect at the most basic level.

You might be asking yourself . . . Cynthia, why do you care what she thinks?

That is a good question and I think the bottom line is that I don’t want anyone to hate me. I especially don’t want anyone to think that I did something inappropriate to “get a man.” I don’t want her to think that I violated her relationship. Mostly, you just don’t want anyone to think ill of your union. Look, relationships are hard enough to keep together without people hoping they fail. I don’t want that kind of negative energy around me.

I said to my boyfriend last night, “How could you have ever loved someone who would treat someone they didn’t even know so terribly?” It bothers me that I love someone who put up with this garbage. She is so vile to me that I sometimes ask myself how he could love us both. Does that mean I am spiteful and hateful and nasty too? I hope not.

Oh, did I mention that Psycho Artist made a point of referring to me as his “current girlfriend” in this little message. Newsflash Psycho: there is not going to be another girlfriend. We are planning out future together and want to get married sooner rather than later. Anyone has ever seen us together knows that our relationship is forever. What is her problem? I’m not some whore that he screws for kicks . . . I am his partner. At the most basic level, I deserve respect and I ask that she refrain from saying mean and inaccurate things about me.
Additionally, I have been more than supportive of my boyfriend trying to maintain a friendship with her. I believe that you shouldn’t cut people out of your life. She is too selfish and immature to remember that I have feelings too and I’ve been just as jacked by all this drama.

My boyfriend says that he is done with her and never wants to talk to her again. He promised me before that if she couldn’t treat me with respect, then he didn’t want to deal with her. I appreciate that sentiment and I hope it turns out to be true. This crap needs to end.

I’m sick of writing messages about her. I am sick of talking about her. I am sick of her nasty attitude. Now I get to spend another night dealing with her crap. I am sick of being tortured by this hateful woman.

I’ve never let anyone talk to me that way and I don’t intend to start now. My boyfriend said that I could email her, but that he doesn’t want to be involved in it because he just doesn’t want to deal with her. Should I write to her and tell her how mad I am and how unacceptable it is to treat people the way she treats me. Or, should I let it go and hope this is the end? I just want this all to end, but I refuse to sit back while someone makes it seem like I am the town whore that deserves no respect. I don’t deserve to be treated that way. No one deserves that treatment . . . not even her.


At 9/19/2005 5:41 PM, Blogger -- said...

Oh, no! Do not get involved! It will just cause more drama and more problems...

At 9/19/2005 5:47 PM, Anonymous stim said...

I agree wholeheartedly - just let it go. She's pissed and bitter, probably owing to the fact that her boyfriend of five years dumped her for you. If your boyfriend wants nothing to do with her, I think you should be doing cartwheels, not contemplating a way to extend the drama. I mean, I know deep down, we all crave a little drama sometimes, but this drama isn't gonna end pretty. It's going to cause strain on your wonderful relationship.

At 9/19/2005 5:55 PM, Blogger Kim said...

yeah, although i'd prob be tempted to write her and lash out at her, i think it'd add more fuel to the fire. i think only time (or another guy) will make her let go. she totally is bitter. it's hard not to take the lack of respect personally, but she would totally be spiteful twds anyone that princeton lawyer is with. the best "revenge," i think, is to go about your happy lives

At 9/19/2005 6:41 PM, Blogger Jamy said...

I don't know the whole story, but do not write to her. If your bf is willing to drop her, that is for the best. She is a nutcase and anything you do will only encourage her.

At 9/19/2005 10:30 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Yeah, everyone is right. I just need to let this go. Princeton lawyer and I have been talking about it this evening and he understands why I am upset, but agrees that we should resolve this ourselves. He says that we never have to deal with her again! I hope so.

At 9/21/2005 8:04 AM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...

Kill her with kindness. That will drive her nuts. The nicer you are to her and those around you will only make her look like a psycho. I'm sure she trash talks you to everyone she knows.

At 9/21/2005 4:10 PM, Anonymous M. said...

I so hate to give other people advice, but my best friend is going through this exact same situation so i'm going to give you the advice/opinion that i'm too chicken shit to give her. :) Imagine she were you. As psyhco as she is being -- imagine how youwould feel if someone you were planning on spending the rest of your life with did this to you. it would suk and you wuold be mad at EVERYONE -- right or wrong. You care about her feelings because you feel guilty -- you know this situation is just wrong and if she gets over it you'll feel better about it. but she won't and you have to keep your guilt. it's unfair and selfish to want everything to be wrapped up all neatly so you can get on with your life when your very happiness was at the cost of the life she thought she had. (I hope i don't get banned from commenting after this - :) ) She'll move on when she's ready and you can't do anything about that. i am sorry that you're hurting, but she obviously is too. it seems like the only one who isn't is yor boyfiend.

At 9/22/2005 4:13 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Mr. M.,

I don't know how to ban people from commenting so that won't happen. Kristin is the technical one.

I appreicate your advice, but I would add that Psycho Artist is the one that ended her relationship with my boyfriend. She told him after 5 years of dating (after they had the wedding date) that she wanted to have an open relationship. He was super upset about it, but tried to work things out with her. They had lots of other problems too, but it was this open relationship thing that broke his back on the topic. I met him whne they were still in that open relationship and then he decided to end it. I think he would have wanted to end the relationship even if I hadn't come along.

I've never understood how she could be so psycho considering that she brought this all upon herself. He would have married her and been faithful forever (even tho he was unhappy), if she hadn't wanted to see other people.

I do feel bad for her and I'm upset that when we met didn't explain all that to me. But, I didn't steal her boyfriend. She did that to herself.

At 9/22/2005 6:16 PM, Anonymous M. said...

Well that clears things up. In that case -- so sorry about the whole crappy situation. :) By the way -- this post (and commenting on it) gave me the guts to talk to me best friend about her situation which acutally IS that she "stole' someones boyfriend. :)


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