Wednesday, February 01, 2006

Matchmaker, Matchmaker....

Had plans today to go to lunch with the Founding Member. I've been trying to get him to agree to this for a couple of weeks, then, out of the blue yesterday, I get an email from him, suggesting a time and a place for today. Cool.

I show up first somehow (that never happens) and as I see him walking down the street toward me, I realize that something is very very wrong.

Rewind to last Friday night. I was hanging out with the cast of my show, and the Founding Member was there. As you may recall, everyone left around midnight, but the Lead of the show stayed out with me till about 2:30. She's an amazing girl. Well, the subject of the Founding Member came up. He had very briefly dated an amazingly talented actress/writer (let's call her the Gun Moll--her last character) and things had ended as quickly as they started. Well the Gun Moll was also out with us, so the Lead was very relieved that things had not seemed awkward between the Founding Member and the Gun Moll, as they had in the past. We then, of course, began to discuss his utter lack of self-confidence, which sabotages his relationships with women. I mention that I find him attractive, but of course am reluctant to get involved (if things don't go well, I probably won't still be doing shows with this company--the guy is like one of 4 main people!!), I don't know him that well, etc.

My fatal flaw, however, was my failure to remember that the Lead enjoys playing matchmaker. She's been trying to set up Hot Actor with another girl in the company who has a crush on him (he seems to be mostly ignoring her advances). As soon as I mentioned I thought the Founding Member was cute, she jumped on this piece of information.

Lead: You two would be great together.
Kris: Oh, I don't know, I mean part of it is he seems like he would go out with anybody right now. I want to feel like he wants to date me, not just whoever.
Lead: No, he only goes for smart women. He'd really be into you.
Kris: Oh, I don't know. So.... (changes subject)

It was clear from the first moment that I saw the Founding Member that something was off. I'm not sure, something about his smile, or the way he was talking to me, made it clear to me that something has been said. Perhaps it was just that he wasn't his usual Eeyore self. But I know that he knows.

This, of course put me into full-on panic mode. I'm really NOT sure that I want to get involved. It would be too complicated, unless I were sure it was going to work out. And I'm not. I don't really know him that well, aside from our mutual depression and dating advice, I'm not sure we have a lot to talk about. And there's always that he isn't doing too well on the checklist (but that's the least of my worries, at this point). It takes about half-a-second for these thoughts to fill my head. And my flight-or-fight response? Is to talk. Incessantly. The guy will not be able to make a move, or say anything at all, because my constant monologue will prevent it. And how can anyone find someone who talks non-stop attractive?

Finding material for this tactic, though, is difficult. I end up discussing ridiculous parts of my life in excruciating detail:

"Well, I didn't get to work yesterday, because my scene partner text messaged me that we were going to rehearse, so I called work and told them, and then of course his phone dies, so I don't hear from him, so I'm wondering what happened, and figure I should just show up to class on time, but of course I didn't go to work. Then I'm at class, and I'm like, dude, what happened? And he tells me his phone dies. But come on, really, I know there aren't a lot of pay phones in the city, but could he have used one? Or borrowed someone else's? I mean, that's possible, right? So because of all this I didn't end up going to work yesterday. But I did end up doing well in class...."

You get the point. I end up being the ditzy blonde comic-relief character, like the wife (LaShawn) that Jack runs into in Brokeback Mountain. Hardly ideal for someone who only goes for "smart women." I play this character all the time in shows, but when I'm nervous, I embody her. Though I'm totally aware of what's happening, my conscious mind is powerless to stop it.

So, lunch is over, I calm down (I'm safe!), we're walking out of the restaurant. And we finally begin to have an interesting conversation, about the nature of theatre, its limitations and advantages. This real conversation, however, gets cut short, because we both have to get back to work. As I take my leave of the Founding Member, I apologize for my poor conversational skills.

Kris: I feel like I spent the last hour in an endless monologue. I'm sorry.
Founding Member: Don't worry about it, I enjoyed it!



At 2/01/2006 5:14 PM, Blogger Kim said...

wait..i'm confused. you didn't (dont?) want to go out w/this guy b/c it may f everything up w/the theater company, right? does the matchmaker get that or realize that?
also, what were you and founding member meeting up for in the first place (b4 you realized it was a set up)?

At 2/01/2006 5:58 PM, Blogger -- said...

Hey Kim, Love your post btw. I missed seeing them! Too much purple on the front page, I say. ;)

Yeah, he's a great guy, but if things go sour with him, I probably won't be doing stuff at the theatre co. anymore. And that would break my heart. I mean, there's a chance people would be all mature about it, but that rarely happens. So I feel like unless I think he's The One, and at this point I don't think so, it's not worth risking, y'kno? I'm not sure that the Matchmaker gets it--I mean, she's certainly not risking anything by trying to set us up....

We were just going to meet up for lunch, as he works nearby. We've been talking about this for weeks, he's a cool guy and we are friends, so.... It wasn't a date, but I could tell from his demeanor that somebody said SOMETHING. Which now may have messed everything up. Grrrrrrrr.

At 2/01/2006 8:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment is for Kim, because she isn't allowing comments;)
Way to go moving in with each other!! I think it's a great idea, and you will learn alot about yourselves and each other. Don't listen to all of those people who say that you shouldn't live together before marriage- it's a load of crap. I lived with my husband for two years before we got married- we have been married for 3 and I think it was the best move we ever made.
Have fun! Just be careful with the joint account- we found it works best if you have a joint to pay the bills, and another for your "fun" money.

At 2/02/2006 6:06 PM, Blogger AWE said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2/02/2006 6:08 PM, Blogger AWE said...

I hate that I can't comment on Kim's post, tell her seprate accounts.

Kristin - You are an adult and can do what you want, but there is no way I would ever, ever, date someone at work again. It caused me to leave a job that I really liked. There is to good of a chance for jealousy at the work place. Take the matchmaker out for coffee and tell her how you feel about work dating, maybe she could hook you up with someone else not at work.

At 2/03/2006 12:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Um, hello. I'd imagine that the effect of posting a comment to Kim's post in the form of a comment to Kristin's post is no better than if Kim had left the comment option on for her posts. Perhaps this comment, itself, just exacerbates the situation, though.


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