Saturday, September 24, 2005

i hate fighting

ugh. last night luis and i had a totally overly dramatic..shall we say.. incident. i met up w/him and his co-workers after an entire day of classes and group project meetings (FUN) so as soon as i got there i downed a few drinks in a short amt of time w/out having eaten anything. needless to say i got pretty shitfaced quickly.
i didn't think he'd care what his coworkers thought, i thought we were all there to have a good time. plus... i didn't think i was THAT bad, just being loud and stuff.
i guess not to luis.
he got increasingly more pissed off and kept telling me to stop and control myself. this, i don't deal well with. i hate being told what to do.
finally i just sat there in silence, making everyone feel "really awkward" apparently.
so yeah, he stormed off, went home, and i left feeling utterly confused, pissed, upset, yada yada
i was pissed b/c he's embarassed me many a time and laughed about it later. i was pissed b/c he kept telling me what to do and b/c he made me feel like i was being acting worse than i was.
i finally called him just now after not hearing from him all day, and he thoroughly made me feel guilty. he was like, when i'm out of control in front of your friends and you tell me to stop i do it. he's like, you should listen to me sometimes.
he said there was one guy that he's not very good friends with who was there who he doesn't trust and he doesn't want rumors being spread, etc.
i can understand why he would feel mad. i feel bad. i hate those mornings when you wake up and you're like FUCK why did i do that. i have been trying to avoid those moments, esp since i just turned freakin 26.
no, i shouldn't make excuses for my behavior. yeah, i fucked up.
he just made me feel SO bad about it..was that neccesary? i sometimes feel like there is a double standard or that he thinks his world is more imp't than mine.
i still feel like shit. plus i cant' even eat anything-you know there are problems when that happens..


At 9/27/2005 10:07 AM, Blogger ThreeCharlie said...

Sometimes you need to set aside your pride for the greater good of a situation, and listen to those around you that are asking you to stop what it is that you are doing.

At 9/27/2005 2:47 PM, Blogger Kim said...

yeah. unfortunatly i am finding that out the hard way, feeling extremely guilty when i "see the bigger picture"


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