Wednesday, November 02, 2005

Emails, Emails....

So I ended up waiting 2 days to respond to Karaoke boy. Not because I was trying to be all coy, or whatever, but because I hadn't uploaded my pics yet, and didn't know what to say to him. I finally formulated this response:

Hey Karaoke Boy,

Yeah, had a blast with you and your pals. They’re so cool—J was so fun, and your roommate's Pedro outfit was incredible. And you didn’t make such a bad Napoleon Dynamite yourself. Wish my friends could have stayed out, but that’s couples for ya... It was nice to put my prom dress on again last night—did you do anything for Halloween proper?

Glad you liked Big Nick’s—the burgers are great, right?

I’ll email you the photos as soon as I find the cord to my camera (hopefully tonight). They’re pretty cute—I wonder who I like better, you or Napoleon? ;)


Notice I used Sarah's "question" technique (she argues that unless you put a question in an email, they don't have to respond) and expressed my interest. I'm afraid that once he gets the pics, it's bye-bye Karaoke boy, but I'll try and upload them tonight. I fear it may be time to move on to other prospects, if I don't hear from him tonight/tomorrow... Clearly I'm just too accustomed to having people lose interest after date three.

BUT! PT Barnum JUST emailed me!!! (He should have called, but still....). He wrote:

It was so good to meet you the other night! You'll be sickly pleased to know, that our good friend Clark Kent spent at least an hour after you left falling down and getting sick outside the bar. That guy was a mess!

I hope you had a good time in spite of his lacivious advances! If you have that photo of us that would be cool. I seem to remember it being a good picture.

Well, have a good one. Hopefully I will talk to you soon.

PT Barnum

Woo hoo! Now I need to think of what to write.... (and now I really have to upload those photos...) Looks like I'll have someone to replace Karaoke boy when he unexpectedly disappears, surely any minute now...


At 11/02/2005 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes, always ask a question or create a situation that requires a response. Otherwise it confuses who's duty it is to contact next. And we all know how quickly confusion turns bad for a new relationship.

At 11/02/2005 4:43 PM, Blogger Kim said...

"that's couple for ya?"
more like that's school for u.

At 11/02/2005 4:57 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

I'm with Kim. I couldn't stay out late because I needed to spend all of Sunday doing school work, being in relationship had nothing to do with it.

At 11/02/2005 5:59 PM, Blogger sethro said...

Go with PT Barnum. Seriously. Drop everyone else. He's smarter than the average bear. Anyone who uses sickly pleased and lascivious (sic) in the same sentence is worth a second glance. Even though he spelled lascivious wrong. I'm serious. I know people.

At 11/03/2005 1:14 AM, Blogger -- said...

Sorry, Kim & Cyn. I'm just bitter because I feel like:

1. I'm never going to meet anyone who actually likes me beyond date 3,
2. Every time I see both of you, you're coupled up, and
3. Everytime I see both of you, you leave by 11pm.

I know, I know, you both have crazy schedules now, and school is more important. But it sucks enough being single, here, and it sucks even more when you don't have anyone to go out and party/troll for boys with. At least if I had someone special, too, I wouldn't feel so lonely. And wouldn't have to be quite so sad about the thought of losing you both (we've all heard about Smug Marrieds not wanting to hang out with Singletons anymore...). Sorry, being disappointed so frequently and consistently really gets to me. I DON'T WANT to date/make out with random guys anymore!!! ISN'T THERE ANYONE NORMAL OUT THERE?!?! Grrrrrr.

Sethro, you're right. PT Barnum sounds great. Let's see if he has any interest in getting to date 1, let alone making it past date 3!

At 11/03/2005 6:35 AM, Blogger sethro said...

Ok Kristin, I'm seriously crossing my fingers for you on PT Barnum (at least to get that first date). He's obviously interested since he emailed. Now, he may turn out to be as deranged as the next guy, but something struck me in his email as genuine and funny. And both are excellent qualities.

At 11/03/2005 6:45 AM, Blogger Kim said...

well i think if u dont want to make out w/random boys anymore, don't. if that means waiting 2 yrs alone and not being with someone till u meet mr right, then i think that's what u should do.
anyway, that's what i did and it worked for me. i'm not saying it wasn't lonely, but it was better than getting super excited over someone who wouldn't remain in my life, having my ego constatntly bruised, and driving myself crazy hoping random boy of the week would call.
anyway, that's what worked for me, even if that meant staying home on the weekends reading and watching movies by myself. trust me, it was a much better alternative for me than dealing w/random boys.

At 11/03/2005 11:06 AM, Anonymous Jon said...

Go, Kim! You summed it up perfectly for her. Being alone and respecting yourself is much better than being with someone for the sake of not being alone and having your ego bruised...

You have to be happy with yourself before you can really be happy with another person...

At 11/03/2005 11:13 AM, Blogger the deal said...

There was a time when I was in NYC every I just go to visit...maybe we were on the same subway car never know.

At 11/03/2005 11:35 AM, Blogger -- said...

Though I am tired of dealing with the disappointment of random boy of the week, staying at home alone is hardly a great alternative, for me anyway. I'm certainly not going to meet anyone at home by myself, and I don't believe in leaving things up to fate. Crying myself to sleep Friday nights because I feel unloved and friendless is not really going to help me with anything but feeling more depressed than I already am.

At 11/03/2005 11:48 AM, Blogger Johnny said...

you need a gay wing man. a gingman so to speak.

i mean it works on will and grace.

At 11/03/2005 12:02 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

You know that I am upset when you say that you feel unloved and friendless because I don't want one of my closest friends to feel that way. If you wanted to have dinner and a couple of drinks or see a movie and then head home, that would be do-able almost every Friday night. However, it seems you want to be out really late and at loud places with a ton of people. By 11pm on Friday night, I am exausted from a week's worth of 12 hour days at school. Plus, I have to get up early to study almost every weekend. Finals are only 5 weeks away. I know your schedule is crazy too and I feel badly that we are on opposite schedules. We could go weekend afternoon shopping or to the movies. We can have dinner at the house (I'll even leave school early to cook). But, I feel like you just don't have any empathy for the fact that my life is different now that I have school. When you say that we've all bailed on you, it makes me feel like you're not supportive me and my school needs. daily, I am at school from 9am to 7-8pm. Then I go home and study more. It is perfectly reasonable that I need to sleep at midnight.

The bottom line is that we all need support right now and we all need to discover the best way to be there for each other tho still being sensitive to each other's situations with rehersal, work and school.

At 11/03/2005 2:07 PM, Blogger -- said...

But see, I don't get out of rehearsal/performances till 11pm--and by that time, you're all going to bed. I understand why, and I really do think it's great that both of you are in school, and I am supportive of that. It's not that I necessarily want to be out late, in loud places, it's just that that's the only option for me, if I'm to go out at all.

I'm just depressed because I have no one to hang out with. No boys, but, much more importantly, no friends. And that makes me sad.

At 11/04/2005 6:59 AM, Blogger Kim said...

i'm with cynthia on this, and i too am a little offended that u are feeling "friendless"
i know what you're going thru b/c i was in the exact same position 3 yrs ago. i was feeling like all of a sudden everyone was coupled up- you with jersey shore boy who didn't like me at the time and tried to get you to hate me- and not to mention katie just had moved away which was so sad. it was depressing, very very depressing and i cried over a ton of boys and felt sorry for myself, but it was NOT the end of the world.
what i'm going thru right now is i feel a billion times tougher. i get migraines on a almost daily basis, i get numbness in my fingers all the time, and i've had 3 anxiety/panic attacks since this program has started and i'm consntatly afraid/preoccupied with when i'm going to get the next one. at times, i feel like i might lose it, like i might get a nervous breakdown. i've never ever felt this way in my life. i cry about 3 times a week. luis, being a man, can't really be so empathatic, but he's been as great as he can be and is always there for support and to listen and is totally helping me get thru this. i feel like i want to quit at times and at times i feel like i'm not even sure if it was a good idea to start this program.
the other night i was upset and i expressed some of the sentiments you had actually--that i feel like i have no friends at times that i can talk to, that i feel like, specifically, i can't talk to you anymore about any of this, b/c you are so preoccupied w/finding a man right now. i feel like the times we talk i start telling u about what i'm going thru and then the conversation gets diverted to one of the boys u are seeing at the time. it gets really frustrating. on saturday night too, we had dinner and hung out for about 5 hrs, it was the first time we hung out in weeks and not once did u ask me how i was feeling or how the hospital was that week, how the delivery and c-section i saw went, or how i felt when the nurse told me i would have to put an oxygen mask on the newborn if he was blue when he came out. all we talked about for 5 hrs was the boys in your life. i dont think you realize this.
i had been trying to be supportive and i'm sorry if i sound unsymnpathetic when i say being single is NOT as bad as other things are and not as bad as you are making it seem to be. you make it sound like being supportive only means staying out partying till 5 am trolling for boys though. i cannot do that, and if that makes me a bad friend, then i guess i'm a bad friend. just know that you're not the only one feeling like you're losing your best friend.

At 11/04/2005 11:59 AM, Blogger -- said...


I know I was mopey on Sat, but we did talk about you, too--the cutting the cord and all that, remember? But you're right, I'm sorry if I monopolized the conversation.

Kim, you must know how hearing the same platitudes over and over gets really old. "Work on yourself" "Just stay home" "Don't worry" "It'll happen when you least expect it"--I swear if I hear any of those things again, I'll scream.

I really don't see what's so wrong about wanting to be with someone. Especially when you have no one else to hang out with. Why is it not okay for that to be a priority for me? And I'm not saying being single is the worst thing in the world. In fact, last time I was single, I had a blast--but I had lots of friends, then, to go out with. This time? Well, I don't have anyone to go out with. And that sucks.

I'm just confused why you and Cyn are so defensive. I’ve never said either of you are bad friends, just that neither of you have time to hang out with me anymore. There’s a difference. And I’m not faulting or blaming either of you for it. It's not like you can do anything about it anyway. My thoughts are not about either of you—it’s about me feeling sad, and alone, and not having anyone (male or female) to hang out with. All of which are true.

At 11/04/2005 3:36 PM, Blogger Kim said...

when u say you're friendless or say "that's couples for ya," how can we not be defensive? we have been there for you over and over and b/c we can't go out partying or whatnot, u make us feel like we are bad friends. plus not to mentino the fact remains that you are not here for us right now when we need major support. i really feel like i can't turn to u at all right now, ESP if i'm feeling down, b/c i'll prob feel more frustrated. which makes me sad. but anyway. and yeah, in feeding you platitudes, we're trying to get u to find some happiness in your life that involves something other than having to be w/a man.
but i guess that doesn't seem to be working well

At 11/04/2005 4:32 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Yes, I do feel like you were calling us out as bad friends. I'm not going to speak for anyone else, but I was offended because when you have friends and then you flat out say that you are friendless, you are saying those people aren't being good friends.

I've said a bunch of times about this and other situations that we should get together more. I've suggested getting together for movies and dinner in the evenings, going shopping, meeting for lunch, etc. I've suggested weeknights and weekends and I get no response.

Additionally, in several of your posts you say that you understand about school. I don't know. I think if you did understand, you wouldn't be all "my friends have bailed on me I'm so alone." You would be like "I'm proud of you friends, I hope school is treating you okay."

It is like if I said to you that you should just ditch rehersal because I never see you and then I imply that you're slighting me if you can't do that.

You know that I try my very best to give you the most support I can. If you get home before I have to go to bed we hang out. This is empirically true. I listen to you, I do things for you and I even took time away from school to throw you a birthday party, make all the food and clean the house after the party.

You are the only one that knows your feelings and if you're lonely that is one thing. Saying my friends are busy is one thing. But saying you are "friendless" is just rude.

At 11/05/2005 2:40 AM, Blogger -- said...

Wow. I get depressed and sad and feel lonely, and instead of getting so much as a "That sucks, Kris, it'll pass" I get attacked. Nice.

At 11/05/2005 10:46 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Now now girls- this is silly, don't fight! You're all good friends and you love each other- don't fall out over this- you are all experiencing a little stress, that's all. You are all feeling the same exact way right now,the feelings are just coming from different stimuli in each case. Just remember that each of you does not exist in a vaccuum- what you say affects each other. Now kiss and make up!!

At 11/06/2005 6:25 PM, Blogger Kim said...

last i checked my real friends wouldn't say, "this masters thing is the worst thing kim has done" but sorry YOU feel unsupported.

At 11/06/2005 6:40 PM, Blogger -- said...

Kim, I would never EVER say anything like "this masters thing is the worst thing kim has done" and have rechecked everything I've written to make 100% sure there was nothing that even comes close to what you have taken from my writing.

I think you are an amazing person, and I am so proud of you for doing a very difficult thing. We all 4 are busy in our own unique ways, and I honor that.

At 11/06/2005 7:16 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

Umm, Yes you did say that. I was there. So was my boyfriend. You said, "I never see Kim, this masters program was the worst thing she has ever done." Then I was like, "Kristin, come on." Then you said, "Well OK, I never see her anymore."

It is those kind of comments that indicate to me that you are not always supportive about school.

At 11/06/2005 7:40 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

One other thing, why can't you just say you're sorry for being unsupportive about school, for being selfish and for hurting our feelings? When you were fighting with Sarah you kept saying that you just wanted an apology, not excuses. I know you're sad and lonely, but you've been insensitive and hurtful. You are not the only one who needs support and you are not the only one who's feelings are hurt.


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