Going Fishing...
So, as expected, I see MacB tonight. I am SOOO proud of myself, I played it very cool. Gave him a hug when he came in, said hello, then quickly busied myself with all my other colleagues there, catching up, talking about their projects, etc., etc. I even successfully avoided him twice (very subtly, of course). He came into the kitchen, we moved into the living room, you get the idea. At last he did corner me, and we chatted a bit, but again, I really just thought to myself, fuck it. I've been friends with this guy for a year now, it really would be totally shitty to lose this friendship, so I'm just going to act like it was before. Of course, he turns on the charm and starts flirting with me, and I can't help but flirt back (our entire friendship is based on this flirting) but think little of it.As the evening continues, though, it seems more and more evident that he's still into me, at least physically. He touches my arm a few times, makes sure he sits right next to me, does the classic MacB kiss on the head move, the whole bit. Even sticks around till the end and leaves with me, so it's just the two of us. I do get a dig in about my show, after about an hour and a half we're chatting and I say "Oh, you missed my show!" (like I had forgotten). And he gives the standard "put it the wrong week in my planner--I thought it ran an extra week." Honestly, I am tempted to let this one slide a little, it was the same time as the fringe, but I did say (in the sweetest, most coy voice) "And you don't call or email to apologize?" He says, "why apologize when I can tell you in person" and kisses me on the forehead. "Well, you'll have to make it up to me," I say (coy voice, again). And he agreed. "I owe you one," he says. Says I can name my reward. I don't know what to ask for.... any ideas? (Of course, a date to this wedding does come to mind....)
He starts walking with me to the subway (cross town, so it's a bit of a hike). We chat a bit, and he grabs my hand, as he always does. Hrm... this has suddenly become interesting. He asks how my week has been going, seems to genuinely care. I say the usual, sad that my show has closed, but whatever, on to the next project. As we walk, he turns on the charm, bombarding me with compliments. At a red light, he stops and kisses me. I let him. It's nice, but cut short by an out-of-control bus that honks at us (we are slightly in the street). We laugh. We pass Julia Stiles. Somehow we get to talking about my new single life. I say that it's nice to be able to receive male attention and not worry about my jealous BF (Jersey Shore Boy was super crazy jealous). MacB says that I must be getting a lot of it. I tell him that yes, I'm getting my fair share. He says "I hope you can pencil me in" to which I truthfully respond (I'm so proud of myself) "I might be able to put you in the rotation." (I do think I'm going to put him in the rotation. But no more energy spent only on him, since we've learned this is not good.)
I see the 1/9 stop coming upon us, and brace myself for the inevitable "oh, gotta take the 1" crap that he pulled last time. Of course this time I'll say, oh, whatever, see you later! But nothing is said. I keep walking, don't stop at all, and he continues with me, all the way to the A train. Down the stairs, to the platform. Hrm! I guess I've trained him well.
On the train, we have a pretty hot kiss standing up as the train pushes us into each other. We sit down, and I can't resist, I bring up my favorite subject with him, this supposed crush he had on me, that he says "started earlier than I think." I press him, he plays coy, I play coy, press him again.
Me: "I remember meeting you. Was it at that party?"
MacB: "I'm just going to be straight with you. It was when I saw you in that play I reviewed." (he reviewed a show I was in, hrm, the summer of 2002!!) "I thought you were pretty hot."
Me: (I'm a little shocked by this --it was so long ago!) "Rea---lly...."
MacB: "Yeah, but y'kno, I was reviewing the show, so I totally forgot about it until our mutual friend let slip that he knew you. Then when I met you at that party I thought to myself, she's a real pistol. But would never go out with a guy like me."
Me: "What kind of guy would you see me going out with?"
MacB: "Taller. And with enough money to buy you things."
Me: "Those are certainly desirable qualities." (Ha! I played it SOOOO cool!!)
MacB: "Yeah, not some theatre bum like me. And then when we did that play together, I thought it would be a great chance to get to know you. But of course, you were taken, so what could I do."
Interesting.... very interesting. Then it was his stop, so he gave me a quick kiss and took off.
I think I've figured out how to play this one: coy flirting, not pressing anything, keeping my options open. His is the typical behavior of a commitment-phobe, but his last relationship was 2-3 years, so it's possible for him to be caught. I think I can catch him, if I keep this up. The question is, do I want to?
posted by . @ 12:03 AM
16 Comments:
I know, I know, I'm weak though.
I think he'll stop being vague once he learns that it will get him nowhere. But honestly, I'm over waiting for him. If he wants to just play the flirty game shit until I find another boyfriend, then that's (honestly) fine with me. I've seriously detached myself, somehow.
And he was a good boyfriend to the last girl, as I can attest (I met her, albeit briefly).
I don't know. I'm not contacting him again. If he wants to go out, he can contact me. And if not, c'est la vie.
kristin, i really think he's a manipulative baby - he's had too many chances not to have jumped on the good boyfriend train. if he hasn't yet, why is that?
he might've been a good boyfriend to the last one, but that doesn't mean that he's ready to be one now.
be very very careful.
This guy sounds like a self-centered 'tard. Cut your losses and move on. It's like owning a car that always has something wrong with it. With each repair it gets more and more expensive and you keep justifying the repairs more out of nostalgia for the thing than what it's really worth. Finally you've put so much money and effort invested into repairing it that you've spent more than it's worth. So before you go through all that rigmarole with MacB, just cut your losses and move on.
Do these other guys know they're in "rotation"?
Noooooo..... Not exactly. But until I hear relationship noises from someone, there will be a rotation. It's the only thing that keeps me sane.
Sure, I don't think I have any other plans. Jersey Shore?
Maybe I can use my visitation rights to see the kittens.
Nope, not at all. He's back on match.com though, I found his profile again.
Oh, Sarah, like you should talk... (hated ex, what??)
You know I love ya, girlie...
Oh so dangerous. These boys are bad news. Always a challenge, always keeping us just at arm's length. I'd tell you to drop him quick, but I know I'd fall prey to him too.
It's hard to resist.
But see, to keep this going, you'll need to keep playing. You'll need to keep playing after you see him again, after he kisses you again, after you sleep with him (again?), after you open up your heart a-g-a-i-n. Because he, and so many like him, don't know what to do with a woman who actually loves them- like you so want to and can.
Is this what you want for yourself? I dare say, you come across as someone who wants so much more for herslef and should settle for nothing less than someone who adores her, desires her presence in their lives, and doesn't require a pair of dice and a board. Or a naptime.
Yours truly,
Datingirl
Ah, dating girl you're so right. Continual game-playing is not healthy for a relationship.
But I keep hearing the voice of an actor I know (we were discussing the situation):
"MacB doesn't need to try that hard. Guys have it good here. I know
tons of beautiful intelligent women, and they're either single or
settled for some schmuck."
It's upsetting me. Greatly. And it's so true. I don't want to die alone.... *cry*
Oh, and Kim, Jersey Boy is going out of town this weekend. So no cat visitation. I just spoke to him, I sound like a total loser. *sigh*
Kristin-
It may be true that many guys feel they don't need to try so hard because there are "tons of beautiful intelligent women, and they're either single or settled for some schmuck." But who wants these guys anyway?!? Do you want to be in a relationship with a guy who doesn't want to try hard? Can you imagine him ‘not trying so hard’ as you get ready for your wedding day? And ‘not trying so hard’ when you’re pregnant? You will always wonder whether he’s thinking of all these other women available to him, because he just doesn’t need to try so hard.
Charming as he may be- MacB is still a commitment phobic who can't get married if you paid him. And I bet you he knows that. On the outside it's cool- on the inside it's disturbing. I've had many conversations with my eternally single guy friends who—after a few drinks—will admit to a deep sense of failure and incompetence when it comes to relationships. They just cover it up well on the outside- that’s all.
Yours truly,
Datingirl
Datingirl, how did you get to be so wise?
Yeah, I totally dig. Thanks, it's kinda what I was thinking was going on too. "He's Just Not That Into You." Ug.
Hey, I don't know you guys but I linked to you through Charming, But Single...
I'm going to play Devil's Advocate because I can identify with MacB to a degree. I'm a fellow NYC kid too by the way.
I actually recently started dating a girl who I was good friends with beforehand. And we had that whole "When did you start being attracted to me" conversation. Not to get too Freudian, but commitment-phobia is a legitimate defense mechanism. Since guys (myself included) generally avoid talking about feelings and such, we get by on subtler ways to convey how we feel about someone.
Maybe these mixed messages are saying, "I really like you, but it wasn't easy for me to let you know that." Of course, it's always possible he's a dick, but I like to give my fellow dudes the benefit of the doubt, especially creative ones, who are no doubt as metally screwed up as I am. And didn't he just come out of an LTR? Obviously your friends know you and this guy, and I don't, so I'm not trying to offer advice, just another perspective.
Plus, from past posts, it sounds like a couple weeks ago you'd have jumped him like nobody's business. I fully support your "rotation", but if you have fun with the guy, then what's the problem? 'Cause it's all about having fun.
Hi Jaggd,
He got out of a LTR about a year ago. Who knows if he's over it. I'm just not sure how interested he is, and I'm afraid of getting hurt, especially if he's sending me such mixed signals. Aiii.
Yes, I would have jumped him a few weeks ago. But then he stops calling, doesn't show up to my show, I mean, how am I supposed to take that?
I'm just trying to protect myself...
But I'm always happy to get another perspective...
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