Tuesday, August 30, 2005

better as you go along?

i had this crazy revelation last week that got me thinking...

my ex boyfriend from college (let's call him deaf-mute) and i were together almost 3 years. i'd say the first year (that's being generous) was good, and then after that we were together b/c we were afraid of being alone and/or because we thought it'd go back to being like it was during that first year (first 6 months really) we used to have ridiculous fights ALL the time, he'd accuse me of talking and flirting with other guys (um, that's cuz he was a deaf-mute who would just sit there and sulk! and btw, i didn't even look at much less kiss or what have you another guy the entire 3 yrs we were together) as time went on, our fights would become more and more cruel. he knew how to push my buttons, how to make me cry, and it seemed he loved doing just that more than anything.

why would you want to intentionally hurt the one you love?

the other day i realized that things b/n luis and i seem to be getting better and better as we get along. we fight less as time goes on (unless we're playing boardgames) and seem to understand each other better. i can honestly say that luis has never been cruel on purpose. he actually really cares when i'm hurt and would never laugh at me when i was crying (like deaf-mute did) plus he seriously makes me laugh till i cry, i noticed that this weekend at brunch. i feel lucky, and i really really hope this trend lasts..

maybe that's the secret to a good rlnship, like when you see those old couples still happy, still walking hand in hand smiling...getting better as you go along.. i can only hope that's me one day.

after spending family time in florida all last week i kept telling myself not to ever get married. actually that was my mom telling me that, her voice usually ends up in my head. she keeps telling me to be careful who i marry, they change after you take your vows. she and my dad knew each other for less than 9 months before they got married and they were each other's first loves.. maybe they were dumb in getting married so young and so fast, maybe they should've waited..or maybe it just got worse and worse as time went on... i don't know if it's b/c i dont go home often or what, but their relationship definetely seems to be the worst it's ever been. i've always said to her, even as a kid, just get a divorce, what is the big deal, you'll be so much better off. but she has this deafeated attitude... right, i could never do that, he'd come after me and kill me! she says. please let him try... then we start talking about how we wish he'd just drop dead, how our family would actually be so much peaceful if he dies. i can't believe we are talking so nonchalantly about this. how could this become better i ask?

seriously if i ever got to the point of wishing death upon my significant other, someone tell me to look elsewhere..


At 8/30/2005 10:08 AM, Anonymous Dating Blog said...

My parents are like that too. My mom says stuff like that. Now that I think about it, yeah it's pretty bad.

At 8/30/2005 12:05 PM, Blogger -- said...

It's really been great to watch your relationship with Luis grow over the years. I'm so happy you two found each other and everything has worked out.

Remember Boston Boy? He used to torture me in just the same way that Deaf-Mute used to torture you. Not a good sign.

At 8/30/2005 12:07 PM, Blogger Kim said...

i know, i remember u telling me that, that behavior is so awful.

At 8/30/2005 12:39 PM, Blogger Tasha said...

That's awesome that you found a guy who treats you so well and you feel so comfortable with. It's hard to find a relationship like that.

p.s. Love your blog!

At 8/30/2005 1:18 PM, Blogger Kim said...

thanks tasha =)

At 8/30/2005 1:33 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

I'm happy mfor you Kim. I can imagein any better for you than Luis. It is so obvious how much he loves you.

At 8/30/2005 2:34 PM, Blogger Kim said...

thanks cyn

At 8/30/2005 2:43 PM, Blogger Le Synge Bleu said...

kim, just remember that you are not destined to live out your mother's life and that she made her own choices, whether or not she is miserable she continues to make her own choices. you can't help her or change her life, but what you can do is make sure you don't follow in her footsteps.

i don't know anything abuot yuo and luis- it sounds good, but i've read one post about him, so i don't know enough to say. what i do know is be careful of waiting for things to get better when they may not. i don't think you're doing that now, but the whole idea of "getting better" is kind of scary. yes, relationships should grow, but you have to make sure there's a really solid foundation in which they can take root.

i have had a similar family situation in the past, and have realized recently that we digest and learn more than we sometimes care to from our parents. awareness is your biggest ally.

and i hope you never find yourself in another deaf-mute situation - no woman deserves cruelty at the hands of a very insecure man. we're worth far more than that.


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