Irish Guy -- date 2?
So, after the Irish guy, hereafter known as the "Irish PI," discovered my blog, and wrote that *gulp* comment, I sent the following apology email (worded with no hint of what the blog was or said, just in case it was NOT him):Please accept my most sincere apology. I really consider my blog to be like a personal diary--I purposefully keep names (even and most especially mine!) out of it, and never even dreamed that you would read and/or find it. Anyone who knows me well, knows of my infamous tendency to exaggerate--and this entry was no exception.
I was hoping to see you again, if just to talk this over with you, but I guess there's no point to that now. I really do think you're a cool guy--and I'm sorry if my comments hurt/and or offended you.
I really did feel terrible about the whole thing--clearly that post was NOT meant for his eyes. Honestly, I never expected to hear from him again (why would I?) but he actually replied, with perhaps the coolest email ever.
I see you saw my posting...i promised the other night that i wasn't going to go looking for your blog...i have this thing about respecting a persons privacy (hence i left names out of the posting). However, like all people when i go on a date, i share the experience with my friends after the fact. It was in fact my best friend who is an avid blogger who went looking for you. I got a phone call at 2am screaming about what a "f@#$ing a$$face" i was for allowing it to happen (my best friend is female in case i didnt mention that).
Your blog comments didn't hurt, i have pretty thick skin...i just had hoped to talk about this mess and perhaps be honest in person or on the phone...and then maybe (and its a remote maybe) we could have found some kind of friendship down the line...i understand the whole kids issue and i don't take it personally...it has plagued my efforts at meeting someone nice and worthwhile for a long time. You are a wonderful person and i dearly wish that you could have just told me then and there that this wasn't going any further romantically. I am always open to making new friends.
If you think it is possible that we might manage to salvage something out of all of this...then you should feel free to give me a call or email. If you'ld rather never speak to me again, i can understand that - it is in all our natures to avoid that which makes us uncomfortable. But rest assured, i am not going to bug you like some bad penny... I believe that my friend put it best when she described our date as "the definition of crashing into a wall, rolling over a ditch and then bursting into flames"...she's a dramaturge so you can't blame her if that sounds a little graphic. I have no desire to make it worse for you.
I do wish you all the best with your dating endevours, it would be nice to salvage something from this mess... and despite the horror of our first date, i would have gone out with you again simply because i enjoyed your company - right up to the point before the whole thing became a disaster ...but i would have stayed stone cold sober and would have apologized profusely.
Woah. I was shocked. The maturity and honesty from this email totally floored me (and Cyn, too, she read it!). So I emailed him back. Told him if he wanted to talk things over, I could meet him Wednesday night.
So, tonight, we met up. Went to a diner, had some food, neither one of us ordered a drink (of course). I apologized again (and again)--but he said there was no need, and told me upfront that he was actually interested in still pursuing things with me (WTF?!?), and asked if I would even consider it. I told him that the kids thing, the divorced thing, the hook up thing all totally weirded me out, and so I didn't think so. The guy actually made a lot of good arguments for why the kids/divorced thing shouldn't be an issue--that it's not about who he's dating, that he keeps that part of his life separate. And as for the hook up thing, we wouldn't be the first people to actually date after hooking up. I did have to admit that he had some valid points. And to be honest, up until the point where he told me he had kids, I was thinking I should go on a 2nd date with him, because he seemed like a cool enough guy. Nothing else worthy of elimination, certainly.
It was kinda weird. Since he found the blog (he claims he only read the one post, but quoted liberally from it, and says won't read it ever again... we'll see...) I don't really have anything to hide from him, so I could be totally honest about how friggin neurotic and screwed up I am (as you all so clearly know). He didn't seem to have a problem with anything--and he made me laugh a lot, and was a perfect gentleman the entire time.
So... upshot is, he got me to agree that I should at least give him a chance to prove himself a worthy contender. And got me to agree to another date with him. We'll see. I'm not entirely sold, but he's certainly the most honest, upfront guy I've met in a long time. And that does go a long way (the charming Irish accent--and the fact that he's a good kisser--don't hurt either).
posted by . @ 12:40 AM
8 Comments:
Hmm. Call me a rotten sceptic, but the impression I get is this guy is pretty good at talking himself out of trouble and you're too willing to forgive. Neither of which is a bad thing in itself, but people tend to fall into cycles of behaviour. However charming and sincere the apologies may be, repeatedly forgiving a guy who keeps doing things wrong is a situation best avoided. Judge him on what he does and not what he says and you shouldn't go far wrong.
That said, Kim's comments on the previous post but one, spot on. Helpfully asinine advice from strangers, however well-intentioned, is almost always ill-advised and unhelpful. I know mine is. Unfortunately, I only read her comments after posting that last one of mine. I could delete it, but there's a chance it slipped through the net and actually said something useful, so I'll leave it for now.
if a girl i was dating said she had a blog, id be curious to know whats on it and yet wouldnt want to know whats on it at the same time. sometimes things are TMI, especially in the romance department. part of the fun of dating is that you DONT know... and the finding out of things, face to face.
also maturity is overrated ;)
I'm kinda sold on him. Take it slow and let him prove himself. And have fun! (But assume he will continue to read the blog.)
Trust and honesty are beautiful things when they work together. I wish you luck, Kristin. To the Irish Guy, I say Cha dèan cat miotagach sealg.
What exactly is it with Irish boys these days? I swear "Irish Boys" must be "in" this Fall/Winter because it seems that the city is literally overflowing with them ... not that that's a bad thing. It could actually be a really really really good thing depending on the boy. :)
Don't let his arguments talk you out of your gut feeling that you don't want to date a guy with kids.
Seriously, when it comes to that, trust your instinct. If your instinct is saying, "GET OUT," then do it.
Molly, you have a point. I talked to my mom about him too--no details, obviously, just that he has 2 kids but still wants to date me--and she basically said she'd be more than a little upset at this point if I got involved with him. She said in 7-8 years or so, it'll be a different story, but right now I'm too young to get involved with that. And I'm super close with my mom and can't imagine going against something she thinks is that important....
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