Monday, March 06, 2006

Boyfriend for 15 Minutes?

Everyone knows Andy Warhol's famous quote: "In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes." Well, apparently my karma guarantees that I can only have a boyfriend for fifteen minutes.

No, nothing's been resolved with the British Scientist. I hadn't heard anything from him, but was feeling positive today, called him to say hi. I assumed I would just leave a message but he picked up. "Hi! It's me. How are you, I was just thinking about you! Ran into a scientist today and thought of you." We both talked about nothing. Then I told him that he "seemed down" the last time I spoke to him--but he assured me he was feeling better. 5 more minutes of fluff-talk. I couldn't take any more so I said, "Well, just wanted to check in... let me know if you want to get together sometime." He said he would let me know, that we'd be in touch.

Not what I wanted to hear.

I feel like I have no closure on this thing. Dolly wants to go with me to a lock and key party on Friday. The Classical Musician, out of nowhere, emailed me this today: I would like to see you again...do you have any time this week? (not sure what THAT'S about). I just got an email saying I could go to speed dating for free tonight. Not that any of these things appeal to me all that much, at this point, but they would certainly take my mind off my current situation. But no, I'm in limbo.

This is the second 15-minute relationship I've had. I think I'm cursed.


Cue flashback.

The Poet was the big love of my life. He's the Manchild's best friend. We met while out one night, during a period when the Manchild and Sarah were broken up. The Poet and I totally had a connection—we were talking and joking all night. Then we all got too drunk (the story of my life) and Sarah and The Poet ended up making out. So I started making out with the Manchild. Lovely.

The Poet tried to get Sarah to go home with him, but she refused. Imagine my surprise, then, when the Poet called to ask me out two weeks later (I had not given him my number). Against my better judgment, I agreed (The Poet is super hot), and he spent the next 3 months courting me, going out with me roughly every other week.

Things progressed. He invited me first to a slam poetry competition, and then I started going to see him perform every week. We were seeing each other 2-3x a week. We began sleeping together. I thought we were soul mates. Then he gave me the best compliment ever—after getting cast in a show, we met up for drinks. I was so excited, I couldn’t stop talking. Finally I paused. He grabbed my hand and said “Your enthusiasm, your excitement about your new show. It’s beautiful to watch.” My heart melted.

He followed this up with the suggestion that we go away together for the 4th of July. But we still hadn’t had The Talk. I was feeling confident, in control. This amazing compliment followed by boyfriend noises? Surely this would go well.

It didn’t. He couldn’t commit. It was too big a deal for him, he argued, even though he wasn’t seeing anyone else. He’d never “officially” had a girlfriend (not a good sign—he was 25 at the time). He felt that once he committed to having a girlfriend, he would have to marry this person. I tried to explain that it’s not THAT big a deal, but he wouldn’t hear it. Fine, subject changed.

We continued the evening, went to eat, had an okay time. I was clearly sad. As we were leaving to share a cab, we walked down the street, he grabbed my hand. “Okay, I’ll be your boyfriend,” he said.

I was ecstatic. We began to kiss, softly, romantically. The man of my dreams, and now he’s my boyfriend? I was in bliss.

We got in the cab and as we headed uptown, he promptly began to freak out. This was too big a deal for him, he said. I told him my goal was not to make him freak out, that if he needed to take it back, he could take it back. He took it back.

We still dated for a few weeks after that, I tried to keep an open mind. But when he told me that his married ex-girlfriend was coming to town, would be staying at his apartment, and they’d probably end up having sex, that was the final straw.

I still think to myself that I was such an idiot for going out with him in the first place. I shouldn’t have given him a chance. Anyone that says they have such a connection with you, and ends up trying to take home your friend? Not someone you should date.

I should have saved myself the trouble.

We dated for 6 months, but he was only my boyfriend for 15 minutes.

31 Comments:

At 3/06/2006 6:46 PM, Blogger Damn It Anyway said...

Hell if the guy's willing to have sex with a married woman he must be an assface.

I'll give you the line you gave me last week. "You can do better."

 
At 3/06/2006 6:50 PM, Anonymous Moxie said...

Hey Guys,

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Thanks for the shout out!

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At 3/06/2006 11:46 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

yeah guys who hit on your friends, no matter how hot they are, not cool. i agree with damnit.

 
At 3/07/2006 3:41 AM, Blogger Grace Adler said...

I'll see damnitanyway's "you can do better" and raise you a "be particular".

I think that "be particular" is perhaps the best dating/general life advice I've ever heard. And I stole it straight out of "The Sweet Potatoe Queens" (great/fun book, every woman should read!)

 
At 3/07/2006 9:16 AM, Blogger Adam said...

What an asshat...

You said something about boyfriend noises, what about girlfriend noises?

And clearly there has to be a defining line from 'seeing each other' to 'dating' before you have the talk about exclusivity and such...which then leads into bf/gf mode...

 
At 3/07/2006 10:17 AM, Anonymous stim said...

aww chin up dear. If the Brit can't take a little honesty, well who needs him? Do you really want to date someone you've got to censor your life for?

 
At 3/07/2006 10:39 AM, Anonymous smugmarried said...

I don't know- this all just doesn't make any sense. How did you leave it with him when you left each other at the end of the date? What was said? It seems like the things you mentioned are sort of minor- there must have been more to the story than this? Very odd.

 
At 3/07/2006 11:44 AM, Blogger -- said...

At the end of the date, he seemed totally overwhelmed. I tried to talk to him about it, but he didn't want to talk. "I need to think" he said. Then I tried to get physical with him, but he pushed me away. "Do you want to see me anymore?" I asked. He said "I need to think about it. We'll be in touch."

 
At 3/07/2006 12:17 PM, Anonymous smugmarried said...

Gosh Kristen- that just sounds so strange. Especially to push you away after he had made a number of references to getting physical with you in the past. Maybe he's just a talker, and when he got down to business, he just chickened out? Who knows? maybe he's a virgin?!

 
At 3/07/2006 12:25 PM, Blogger -- said...

I know he's not a virgin, for sure, so that's not it. I think all the personal stuff I was saying to him, combined with the "cute bartender" remark just put him off. I guess that's it. But hey, if he can't deal with me, he can't deal with me. What can I do? Why lose sleep over it? All I can do is move on....

 
At 3/07/2006 12:54 PM, Blogger AWE said...

Some people can't deal with commitment, you see it all the time.

Hope things work out better with the Scientist. Did you realize his initials are BS?

 
At 3/07/2006 6:04 PM, Blogger Joyous said...

Boys are tools. At least boys that hit on other girls when you're out with them and sleep with married women after you've been seeing each other. At least he told you so you could get away from him!

 
At 3/07/2006 9:48 PM, Anonymous sWaTkiNd said...

Too bad about the scientist. Even if he decides he wants to be with you, you should think twice. You opened up to him and his reaction was to get upset??? It's better to move on.

Too bad about the poet too. He seemed to say the right things (and it sounds like he even meant them). At least he was upfront about his planned infidelity which helped you save yourself from a bad relationship...

But if he never officially had a girlfriend where did the married ex-GF come from??

 
At 3/07/2006 9:50 PM, Anonymous sWaTkiNd said...

I forgot to add, you shouldn't feel too bad about getting involved with the poet with all his BS. Once you have a great and natural chemistry with someone things are just not that simple.....

 
At 3/08/2006 11:20 AM, Blogger -- said...

Good catch, swatkind. Excuse me, his married ex-fuck buddy/person he was dating but not exclusive with, then (they couldn't be exclusive, as she was married...).

And as for the Scientist, I'm leaning toward your point of view. Yeah, someone I open up to that gets upset? And someone who freaks out over me saying the bartender was cute? I'm not making out with the bartender, or giving him my #. God forbid we actually have an issue of import--how would he react then?

 
At 3/08/2006 1:10 PM, Anonymous smugmarried said...

Come on Kristen- not to be nasty here, but you have to admit it was really quite silly to flirt with the bartender, when you've just established that you two were a new couple. You probably made him feel like a moron- and he probably figured if you are going to be eyeing up other guys and you only just decided to become exclusive, what are you going to do down the road when the relationship isn't as exciting? If you really kiked him that much, the bartender wouldn't have interested you in the least. Sound like you could actually owe him an appology, but just my opinion.

 
At 3/08/2006 1:43 PM, Blogger -- said...

No, not nasty. Just to be clear, though, I wasn't flirting with the bartender. Quite the contrary. I think I said something like "oh, the cute bartender gave me a free drink" or something.

I did try to apologize, though--but the Brit didn't want anything to do with it. C'est la vie. Maybe you're right, I don't know. Not much I can do about it now.

 
At 3/08/2006 7:25 PM, Blogger CoatMan said...

Ow! Confusion-ness. Poor muffin.

 
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At 2/13/2007 3:23 AM, Blogger Brain Dancer said...

I love it. Boyfriend for 15 minutes. You should patent that. At least it beats the 2 minute wonder that some guys are. Have you heard of Hurry Date?

 
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At 5/10/2010 1:50 AM, Anonymous Michelle said...

oooh, so you guess it was nothing more than just some lovemaking sessions? i think i would agree with damn it.

 
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At 8/23/2011 6:50 PM, Anonymous Marco Lee said...

Touching story... and yeah guys may freak out over that. We don't like "The Talk" lol.

but telling you that he'll probably end up having sex with his ex is kind of rude.. honest but rude...

 
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