Tuesday, August 02, 2005

Suddenly, with an epiphany

I did something I shouldn't have done yesterday. (Take note: all of my stories could begin with that line). I spent the night going through the archive of emails sent by my last ex-boyfriend. I am not sure whether I should be referring him to my ex-boyfriend, since we are currently dating again. Given that we are currently dating, and that things are going well, my search into the past wasn't motivated by nostalgia. I essential now have the same relationship with the same person that I had then. I am reliving what was supposed to be history. There is only one problem with that: I don't want to relive our break-up. I was looking at the past to figure out where things had gone wrong then and if they would go wrong again. I am sorry to report that my search wasn't successful. I have no answers about what happened then or what will happen now.

My relationship with him was never exactly predictable. We started out as friends and after a couple of years we were a little more than friends. Though we acknowledged (and often acted on) the attraction we both felt for one another, there always seemed to be something or someone serving as a great excuse for why our relationship couldn't progress to something more serious. First it was that we were working together (everyone knows that its not a smart idea to mix work with romance), then he had another girlfriend, then he moved to another state to attend graduate school. All the above excuses came from him. I accepted them as true and legit reasons as to why we couldn't date and our relationship remained the same until he had the epiphany.

It happened on a summer night at a bar. He was dating a friend of mine then and we had all gone out for drinks. We all had too much to drink, so when he abruptly told the group he had to go I assumed he felt ill. And when he asked to go with him, I assumed he needed help getting home. I never stopped to question why he asked me to go with him instead of his date who was sitting right across from him.

That was the night he told me he loved me. He needed to be alone with me to tell me that he just realized that he loved me. He realized at the bar, while were all drinking and talking about flip-flops. He said it was something about my smile. He said he had an epiphany and that he loved me.

That was how it began.


At 8/03/2005 12:40 PM, Blogger Kim said...

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