Tuesday, August 02, 2005

My Future In-Laws

Kristen and I like to call ourselves “ex pat Californians.” We are both native California girls, Northern California girls to be more specific. As anyone from the Golden State knows, it is critical to identify yourself as being from Nor Cal or So Cal. To be honest, I don’t miss it. I love the East Coast. It is a better fit for my personality. But, I do miss my family, especially my father and step-mother. If I was home and I had a bad day, I would just go home and watch bad TV with my dad and I would feel better. Now, I don’t have that luxury. That is why I am so happy that my dear boyfriend’s parents live less than a 30 min. train ride from the city.

In my previous relationships, the parents have been a problem. I didn’t dislike my college boyfriend’s parents, but I didn’t want to be actually related to them. They are pretentious and snobby. I just never felt like I was one of their people. We would visit several times per year, each time more stressful than the last. They were awful to their son, but nicer to me. Basically, they didn’t understand why we didn’t like coming to their snobby town and being around their snobby friends. They didn’t know me and they certainly didn’t really know their son. It was really sad.

Before I met my dear boyfriend, I dated a person who shall be known on this blog as The Asshole. He has a troubled relationship with his parents. They live only a few states away, but I only met them once. The Asshole felt that because he had difficulty with them, he didn’t think it was right to introduce me into their dysfunctional family dynamic. I always thought that was weird. It would have made more sense if he wanted me to be there when he was home to offer support through the drama, but he didn’t agree. I met his mother once when she made a visit to the city. What an awful weekend! We had once of our worst arguments during her visit. It is a long story, but the one minute version is that I am open about some of the more odd problems in my family and he felt like that wasn’t appropriate to talk about in public. Personally, I thought it was a good thing to unashamed of your background. The Asshole didn’t agree.

Let’s just say that I am glad I never ended up legally obligated to the any of these people, both my ex boyfriends and their parents. My dear boyfriend’s mother is such a kind woman. I could talk to her for hours about anything. I really feel like we’re friends and that if something bad were to happen to me, I know she would be a source of support. She reminds me of my step-mother who I miss terribly. My dear boyfriend’s father is also such an amazing person. He is quiet, but hysterically funny, if you’re listening close. He likes to make fun of me. Both of his parents are really supportive about me going back to school. Don’t get me wrong, my dear boyfriend’s family is crazy, but I love that about them. I adore his quirky extended family; they remind me of my own insane relatives. They don’t judge me when I act like a weirdo and basically accept me for who I am. What more could I ask for?

Since my family is so far away, I’ve always wanted I surrogate family here in New York. I feel lucky that Kristen’s family is close and I have another friend with parents in NJ. Mostly, I feel extremely lucky that I love my dear boyfriend’s family as much as I love my own. I would happily be related to them. Then they will be obligated to put up with my crap.


At 8/02/2005 3:56 PM, Blogger Sarah said...

Are you legally obligated to in-laws? Do you have the right to decide whether or not to pull the plug on them?

At 8/02/2005 4:10 PM, Blogger Cynthia said...

I think you are. I should check that out in law school. I certainly did not want to be obligated legally or emotionally to The Asshole's parents. That is for sure.


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