The Set-Up Wrap-Up
Well, Princeton Lawyer certainly found for me a great guy. The Set-Up is cute, funny, a good conversationalist, has a good job, and seems like a nice person. But.... (there's always a "but," isn't there?) ... he's 25. So what, though, right? Not even 6 months younger than me. Except that, well, there were a few minor breeches in etiquette.--As the hostess showed us to our table, he walked in front of me and sat down in the window seat (traditionally the woman's seat) without waiting for me to sit down, leaving me in the aisle.
--He invited me out (suggesting dinner and picked a somewhat-pricey place) and then, well, we split the bill. Nothing wrong with that, I suppose, but, well, first off that's NEVER happened to me before on a first date, and second, I think if the guy is doing the inviting and choosing he's somewhat responsible, as the "host" of the evening. Also, drinks/coffee would have been more than sufficient. If he was planning on splitting the bill a little "Is this place okay? It's a bit pricey" or something before we got there would have been nice to give me a heads up.
Again, though, he seems like a great guy. I think in a few years, when he's learned a few things, he'll be a great catch. But I also get the impression he's just looking for a girlfriend to hang out with--not someone to settle down with, certainly not "The One." And I really don't feel like wasting another 2 years of my life in a dead-end relationship, just because it's fun. If there's no possibility of things going somewhere, then really, I'm not sure what the point is. Before, well, I didn't want to get married or settle down anyway--but I'm certainly open to that possibility now, and would like to start dating someone who that's also a possibility for.
The Set-Up said he'd call me when he gets back from his business trip, next week, but I doubt it. Somehow I got the impression that he "just wasn't that into me."
posted by . @ 9:29 AM
13 Comments:
--As the hostess showed us to our table, he walked in front of me and sat down in the window seat (traditionally the woman's seat) without waiting for me to sit down, leaving me in the aisle.
I am all for old timey good manners, but that is just being way too nit picky, especially with a 25 year old. This has to do with what he was taight growing up... it may not have even been something mentioned. He is also at the right age that his mother was at her formative years during the beginings of the women's rights movement, and grew up being taught her views.
And as far as splitting the bill... You said it was a set up right? So he might have just seen it as this was all pre-arranged by Princeton Lawyer and he was just making the inital contact with you. Did he suggest a place off the bat or was it preceeded by one of those "where do you want to go... anywhere is ok with" kind of conversations?
Sounds like he managed to keep his feet off the table, chew with his mouth closed, not pick his nose, and hold a decent conversation. And people get nervous on 1st dates.
If you are both looking for different things then thats one thing... but a couple more dates to leave both yourselves open to possiblities isn't like "wasting 2 years".
I agree, you put to much pressure on the situation.
As for leaving you in the aisle....I am from the South and that just doesn't work. I would love to be in NYC right now, but the dating scene would overtake me. I don't like for the woman to pay, especially if I ask them on a date, so I am sure I would be taken advantage of.
I agree, anything could happen and I shouldn't put the cart before the horse. But why enter into a relationship with someone who doesn't want more, when I do? I'd rather enter into a relationship with someone where that's at the very least a possibility....
But he's not going to call anways, so all this is moot.
I have to admit, there is a certain amount of chivalry required on a date, letting the lady choose her seat, and walking in front are two normally standard options.
However, coming from a less than stellar financial situation, I know that I can't afford to be picking up the tab on dates. For me, it's always dutch on the first date, with future dates always alternating between people. Otherwise, I'd be even more broke.
As for the 'relationship' question - you're right, why get stuck into a relationship that isn't what you are looking for. If you're looking for fun, that's excellent, if you're looking for the one, then something else is lurking around the corner...
Now, if I could only be successful here in VanCity...
btw, good luck and happy new year!
You know, as long as you're having fun and you're not being reckless with anyone's heart (your own or someone else's), I say go with it. Who knows where it will lead. And, it's still fairly early in the game ...
Ain't no sense in wastin' yer time on someone who ain't the one if that is what you are looking for.
And I do think it is possible to know after one date. Or 15 seconds. Hard to say which happens first sometimes.
I have no idea how it would be possible to go into a situation like a set-up date looking for someone to settle down with.
Every date I go on is about me looking for someone to settle down with. I'd like to find that person. And I don't want to miss finding them because I'm in a dead-end relationship with someone else. And this guy, he's not it. I know. (Thank you allison!) And he knows, and he's not going to call because of it. I'm generally of the "give the guy a chance" variety. But my gut's telling me that this guy isn't it. I'm not sure why I (or he) should waste the time.
Every date I go on is about me looking for someone to settle down with.
Sounds like you're dating with a mission. It is good to have a goal in mind... but don't let it take you out of the moment. You never know who is around the corner (or who is sitting in front of you) if you are only looking at the big picture... that big picture is made up of a million little pictures.
Over the years, I have made statemnts like "I am looking for X" or "I don't like guys with X" or "X is my type"... but everytime I made a statement like that, someone came along to and made me a lier. Some of the best relationships I have had with people (romantic and not) I might not have in my past given a 2nd thought to.
Kristin:
If you just don't like him and don't feel the chemistry, don't worry about it. Just keep looking. I know it's easier said than done, but I'm going through the same process you are. It was great that Princeton Lawyer took the time to set you up with someone, but if you aren't into him, you can't force it and don't let anyone force you into it. There's no need to justify it with complaints about his manners and check-splitting (unless it was part of what turned you off), just go with the fact that you aren't attracted to him.
Even though it's been awhile since I've been in a relationship and I'd like to have a boyfriend, I've also realized that the 2 1/2 years I've been single have been important to me and my emotional growth. I'm not willing to be with anyone suitable. That's hard at times when everyone is paired up (as I saw this weekend). I've been in a bunch of half-assed realtionships, as I'm sure you have been. But those relationships makes me realize the value of not selling myself short. I'm waiting for the real deal to come along.
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Provided he's not going to call back simply because you want to think he's not the type to call back in order to justify your judgement that he's not interested in more than fun because you don't want to commit to finding out for fear of being right, or, even, wrong, then I say go with your gut feeling.
Look, you're only 26, there are going to be others. If you want to meet someone nice to settle down with, then you need to get out there and find the right guy yourself. Never and do I mean Never, let your friends set you up on a date. It does not work.
I'm shocked at all the accounts of dudes who will not pay for dinner or drinks. Damn, perhaps there really is something to being a Southern Gentleman.
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