Monday, December 05, 2005

Ask the Grow Some Girls!

So, we got a request for advice from an anonymous commenter. After hearing our opinion on blind date flowers (it makes you look desperate, don't do it!!), he wrote the following:

Hey Kristin...not really the place for this but have but perhaps you and your partners in crime (some of your date stories are just criminal!) could enlighten a gentleman as to what to get a woman who he has only been dating for ohh...about a week or so but predicts that the relationship will still be around for Christmas. The tale of the fool bringing flowers to a first date makes me anxious to avoid the same horrible fate.

Not the place? I say, why not! So I took a poll to see what the girls thought--and Cyn, Kim, and I are pretty much in agreement (Sarah has abstained).

From Kim:
i would def not be too extravagant w/the gift since it's been only a week.... it really depends on the course of the rlnship. do you feel like things are going really well for both of you? maybe instead of a gift, you can take her to dinner and a concert or the opera or something like that.. good luck!

From Cyn:
Gauge the situation. If things are not serious or committed, I would suggest a book, CD or dvd. For example, if you were talking about how much you love Rushmore and she said she'd never seen it, then that type of gift would refer back to a previous conversation and set-up a future date at the same time. We had been dating for two weeks when Princeton Lawyer had his birthday. Things were going well so I felt I needed to get something, but I wasn't sure what to get. So, I decided to get him this book that I told him about. That seemed to go over well. Another idea might be to make a restaurant reservation at a nicer place and then give her some sort of reservation card or something to indicate that you made these plans. People love nice dinners and again, it is setting-up another date. However, if things are serious then something more expensive might be appropriate. I would in all cases avoid gift certificates, clothes and make-up/body products. Those all could send bad messages.

And from me? Well Kim and Cyn are totally dead on. I think it depends on where things are--you're going to have to make a decision a little bit closer to Christmas I think. If things are still going well, it depends on how well. If you're exclusive by then (Jersey Shore Boy and I were exclusive 1 month after we met) you can do more--but I think that spending a lot of money, especially in the early stages, is a risk--it may pay off handsomely, but could backfire in you seeming a) too desperate or b) you getting upset if things end quickly thereafter. The best gift would be something that she really wants, but is moderately expensive (no more than $100, and that's on the high end, I would think, at this stage). What is she most passionate about? I'm an actress and I love to read--some of my favorite gifts have been intelligent books about the theatre. If she loves to cook, a nice cookbook and a few of those cute kitchen gadgets could be fun. You get the idea. Something personalized to her will go over a lot better than an expensive piece of jewelry or the generic dozen roses. She'll appreciate it more and you won't have spent as much. Hope this helps!

If anyone else is clamoring for our advice, feel free to email us your questions. And if none of you are, well, that's okay too. ;)


At 12/06/2005 7:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm very gassy, and my girlfriend and I are going out of town for three days soon, how do I fart without her knowing?

At 12/06/2005 9:42 AM, Blogger FINY said...

Just to offer my own personal experience completely unasked, The Twin and I had been dating for two weeks when my 25th birthday arrived. Knowing I'm a huge Red Sox fan, he asked his sister (who works for the Sox) to get me this keyring that the team had given out to it's employees. It has a replica World Series ring on it and a note from the team inside the packaging. I know it didn't cost him anything, but we'd only been dating for a few weeks and he clearly still had to put effort into getting it. It's more the gesture at that point in a relationship than anything I think.

At 12/06/2005 10:12 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

To anonymous poster #1 (aka imbecile) i would say, (1) grab a sizable potatoe (2) Insert firmly until permentantly lodged because nothing says i love you more than being showered by the smell of a 3 day old fart with potatoe segments.

Granted you might have thought of this sooner if you really cared about it and gone to see a medical professional to ask if there was something you could take to reduce the effect on those people with the misfortune to be trapped in an elevator with you.

Next thing we will be hearing about is people who have erectile dysfunction.

At 12/06/2005 4:04 PM, Blogger rockthefaces said...

Everybody else is right about making the gift personalized. I'm not a girl, but in general I'd rather have a $5 gift that showed someone was paying attention than $50 spent on something generic.

On the other hand, I think a person who would look any sort of gift - freely given, and with affection - in the mouth isn't really someone I'd want to be with, anyway.

At 12/06/2005 5:42 PM, Anonymous punchberry said...

You are so very wise... I definitely agree with being careful with gifts early in the relationship. If at this point your company is not gift enough, it never will be.

At 12/06/2005 6:57 PM, Blogger Derek said...

Definitely not a candle. As a guy, that's the only no-no I know about giving gifts. NEVER A CANDLE!!!

At 12/07/2005 3:39 PM, Anonymous Neil said...

I had the experience of giving someone a gift that was probably too expensive for a one-month relationship, and I think it scared the woman off, which totally took me by surprise. So, good advice about not being extravagent too soon. You don't want to look desperate, like I did.

At 12/10/2005 10:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would like some advice from the growsome girls, as I don't think that I can talk to anyone else about this problem:
Even though I have been happily (or so I thought) married for 2 and 1/2 years to a very nice man, I never truly got over my previous boyfriend- we dated on and off for many years, and I was completely infatuated with him. After the last time we broke up, I started dating my now-husband. As soon as my ex found out, he never stopped pursuing me. He always wanted us to get back together, saying that we were "soul mates" and that we should be together. I would never take him seriously, even though he was saying what I'd always wanted to hear- I just thought it wouldn't work out, as it never had before. I married my husband anyway, moved away from the ex, and planned never to see him again. Recently,(years later) the ex has moved to my local area and, in an effort to help him settle in, we began communicating innocently. The problem is I now have developed feelings for him that I can't ignore. I don't want to hurt my husband, but I feel as though we are drifting farther and farther apart, while my ex and I are rekindling. The ex says he misses me and has tried dating, but cannot forget about me and doesn't want to live without me anymore. My husband is busy all of the time (he's a medical resident) and is away many nights and weekends. Help- I don't know what to do!!!

At 12/12/2005 3:59 PM, Blogger Kim said...

i'd be careful that the ex is not the type of person who only wants you when he can't have you.
that said, i think you should ask yourself if you are really are in love w/your husband, see a future with him, want to make it work, etc. if the ex was out of the picture, would the marriage still be suffering? there shouldn't be secrets in marriages (or relationships) i think. so i think to resolve this situation it depends on what who you want to be with- your husband or not your husband.. i dont think it has all that much to do w/the ex.
(but i could be wrong b/c i dont really know the situation well, and that's just what i got out of your comment =))

good luck

At 12/14/2005 5:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for the advice Kim! I do love my husband, but frankly I have never felt as passionate about him as I have about the ex- it's more of a "mellow and sweet" sort of relationship. Asside from the passion the ex and I had, we had FANTASTIC sex- we were really in sinc with each other. My husband and I have nice sex, but it's nothing like the ex and I and never could be!! I know that sex isn't everything in a relationship, but I must say it certainly is important. The ex also used to make me laugh like no one else, and I really miss that in my life. I guess I am just destined to live with the decisions I've made- I don't think I have the heart to hurt my husband. Thank you for your response.


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